The Alien Almanac

Alien Quiz

DIPPING INTO THE GENE POOL

Are you a human-alien hybrid? Take the OMNI self-help quiz to find out

During the past decade thousands of people around the world have reported a nightmarish journey to the dark side of the soul. These individuals claim they have been abducted by the alien entities some call Grays. The Grays' self-professed victims known as abductees have filled their reports with dozens of fascinating details on areas ranging from painful medical exams to the interior of the alien ship. But one of the most disturbing claims involves the creation of human-alien hybrids. Abductees insist that Grays routinely extract human egg and sperm samples and combine them with alien genes in special breeding rooms. The resulting human-alien embryos are said to gestate in incubator-like trays until, some months later, they are "born." The delicate, beatific-looking hybrids crave the loving human touch, it is said, but can survive only in the protective cocoon of the alien ship.Virtually all UFO investigators contend that if hybrids exist, they do so only up there, on Gray vessels in the great beyond. But we at OMNI would like to propose another option: Perhaps the aliens have also created embryos that are, say, 25 percent alien and 75 percent human, and have gestated them not in an incubator, but in an actual earthbound human abductee. If so, this heartier, distinctly more human version of the hybrid might be among us. One of them might even be . . . YOU!

If you have always felt unique, could alien genes be the reason why? To find out whether you fit the hybrid profile suggested by abductee reports and our own perverse reckoning, answer the ten questions below. Choose the answer that best describes you.

1.When you first meet a stranger, you:
a) form a powerful, intuitive first impression
b) usually feel bored and unimpressed
c) know exactly what he or she is really thinking

2.Whenever you think of your parents, you:
a) feel a deep kinship
b) wonder how pedestrian people like these could have produced a brilliant, creative genius like you
c) sense confusion and discomfort

3.When visiting a museum, you are drawn to:
a) the swirling lights, flowers, and fields of Van Gogh
b) the abstract shapes and bold colors of Klee
c) the strange hieroglyphic renderings of the Egyptians

4.Unusual markings along your body include:
a) freckles
b) moles or cysts
c) straight, unexplained cuts that appeared mysteriously one day

5.You experience headaches when:
a) you enter a room filled with paints, powerful cleaning fluids, or other noxious fumes
b) you are upset
c) a strange, inaudible signal beckons you to come

6.The characters in your dreams include:
a) relatives and childhood friends
b) rock stars, political figures, and TV news anchors
c) bald figures in bodysuits

7.For you, summer vacation was:
a) a time for fun and self-exploration
b) a painful test of your popularity and ability to fit in
c) a period when you would disappear for long stretches of time, sometimes even days, yet not remember where you had been

8.You are on a subway train in New York City when a gang of tough-looking youths demand your money. You:
a) give it to them
b) decide to punch and kick your way out of the situation
c) look into their eyes and convince them to desist through nonverbal communication alone

9.You are most often bothered by:
a) blaring music or other loud noises after midnight
b) an insistent inner voice telling you, in English and Spanish, to save the human race
c) questions from friends about the circumstances of your conception and birth

10.Your largest physical problems include:
a) oversized features, such as a large nose or ears
b) a tendency to put on weight
c) gray skin, premature baldness, and a tiny, almost vestigial, mouth

SCORING THE QUIZ

Please give yourself three points for every C answer you selected. If you scored between 20 and 30 points, you may truly be out of this world. A score between 0 and 9 indicates a basic earthiness. Scores between 9 and 21 points indicate you may have a few alien genes. But then, don't we all?

(Originally appeared in OMNI Vol. 13, No. 3, December 1990)


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